3 Conversations to AVOID as a Parent of an Athlete

Written by: Phil Roberts (Executive Director of The Yard @ Wire Park)

As parents, the words we say around our young athletes can have a significant impact on their development and love for the game. I can’t say all my comments over the years have had a positive effect on my son’s mindset, but a few years ago, I became intentional in our conversations. I was challenged by The Red Car Theory.

The Red Car Theory is a concept that deals with the phenomenon of heightened awareness and selective attention. It states that once something has been brought to our attention, we start noticing it more often, not because it has become more prevalent, but because we've become more attuned to noticing it.

This theory is extremely applicable in athletics and our communication with our kids. I decided to use the reverse of this theory and never mention, discuss, or acknowledge “The Red Car.” By never discussing The Red Car, we don’t look for them. We don’t see them. We eliminate them.

Red Car # 1: We will not complain about officials!

The best competitors don’t play the role of the “victim.” When parents or athletes complain about Officials or bad calls, that trains our brain to be the victim. In any great story, the victim is a bit part. The victim is forgotten. The victim doesn’t win. Encourage your athlete to be the hero. Overcome adversity. The Hero Always Wins.

Red Car # 2: We will not acknowledge mistakes made by our teammates or opponents!

One of the most important goals for athletics is to learn to become a good teammate. It is the parent’s role to train the athlete to be a good teammate. Do not assume this is the responsibility of the coach. In order to become a good teammate, we cannot acknowledge the failures of others. As a coach, one of my core values for players was “Bring Energy to Others.” I believe it is impossible for athletes to develop this skill if they critique their teammates on the ride home.

Red Car # 3: We will not make excuses!

If it is important, you will find a way. If not, you’ll find an excuse. We need to stress to young athletes to identify what’s important to them. No matter how difficult it is, eliminate excuses. In the long run, this strategy will teach athletes to be accountable for their actions in their athletic, academic, and personal lives.